Hi! Please read some of the writing below!

The Heaven Dilemma

Bob, Joe, and Fred all went to heaven. Bob said, “I want to be in heaven.” He got thrown out of Heaven for being greedy, but Hell wouldn’t accept him because he wasn’t greedy enough. So he was torn in half, and half went to Heaven and half went to Hell. But it’s hard not to die when you’re torn in half. So Bob died, but he couldn’t go to Heaven or Hell, so he was torn in half over and over until the paragraph about him ended.

Joe, Fred and Bob went to Heaven. After Bob’s paragraph, Joe said, “I want to go to Hell.” St. Billy thought he was serious, so Joe went to Hell. Then he said, “I was only saying that to be humble so I could go to Heaven.” Heaven kept him in Hell because he was greedy for wanting to go to Heaven.

Fred, Bob, and Joe went to Heaven. After the first two paragraphs, it was Fred’s turn. After seeing what the other two had done, he didn’t say anything. He was let in and lived a happy death in Heaven.

The End

Moral: Always be last when going to Heaven.

The Banana Cow of Southern Tibecuador

This is an essay on a fictional creature from a fictional universe and all of the information in this essay, excluding only the first paragraph is fictional and has no actual relationship to or meaning in actual life. Now let us continue about the actual subject of this fictional essay, the banana cow.

Overview

The banana cow, as may be assumed from its name, is a cross between a banana and a cow. It lives in the highlands of Southern Tibecuador, and feeds primarily on bananas, which is the main cause of its consistent yellow color, though it has long left the banana family. The banana cow's appearance is something like a giant banana, usually about 7 feet long, with a long, thin mouth, It is entirely yellow except for three to seven black spots of different shapes that usually mark it's body. It also has four short, stubby legs, about 1.5 feet long, and its tail is the place where a banana connects to the bunch in a tree. It serves a purpose similar to a belly button on a human, where it gets its nutrients from the banana cow tree.

The Life of a Banana Cow

A banana cow starts its life on a banana cow tree, growing as a banana does and getting its nutrients from the tree. It reaches about 2 feet in length before the tree drops it to the ground, which usually happens 3-5 months after it sprouts. By this time, the banana cow's weight has pulled it so close to the ground that the fall will not hurt it. After coming to the ground, the banana cow's mother teaches it how to climb trees and pick the most nutritious and succulent bananas off of them. In about 3 more months the banana cow is fully grown. The mother then passes on the training to the father, who teaches the banana cow manners, the banana cow code of conduct, the banana cow traditions, and what it means to be a banana cow. Then the young banana cow goes into school, where it learns reading, writing, and arithmetic, as well as science and geography. Most banana cows take after school activities where they learn how to be safe from human hunters.

A Banana Cow Colony

Banana cows live in colonies, each having 50 - 150 banana cows. Their boundaries are marked by the unique scent of different types of banana cows, but all banana cow colonies live in friendship. Each colony is organized into four classes: Government, high, middle, and low. In the government, their is a colony chief, who makes decisions for the colony, and also goes to the national convention of banana cows every year as a representative of their colony. There is also a wise cow for each colony, who answers all of the questions asked of it by cows of the colony, and is held in very high esteem. The last major role in a colony is to be a member of the advisory council, which advises the colony chief on what decisions to make.

A Banana Cow's Relationship with Humans

Humans have very different feelings about banana cows, depending on where you are. Most people in Southern Tibecuador, who live closely with the banana cows, are friends with them and worship them in many traditional gatherings. Banana cows often ask for help from those people in times of drought and food shortage. However, people from the northern side of Tibecuador consider banana cow meat a delicacy, for its taste is that of the finest banana, and they often hunt banana cows, selling their meat and hides for lots of money.

The Banana Cow in History

The banana cow has played many important roles in the history of Tibecuador, but here are a few of its primary roles:

The Banana Cow Bribery

In this event, the city of Brig in Southern Tibecuador was attacked by a band of sea pirates coming from the South Sea. They looted the whole city, and were going to kill the mayor when a young boy named Frederick had an idea. He was close friends with the banana cows and decided on a way to trick the pirates. Frederick promised he would give them 50 dead banana cows if the pirates didn't kill the mayor and they gave back all the things they had stolen. Everything they had taken was worth only about half of the fee they were offered, so they agreed. However, the pirates were actually given 50 living banana cows, just pretending to be dead. They broke out on the ship before it left harbor, killing all the pirates. If it hadn't been for the banana cows, Brig would be no more.

The Banana Cow President

The 23rd president of Tibecuador, John Anderson, was a banana cow. He was also one of the most famous and influential creatures of his time, and altered the course of history greatly.

The Banana Cow Eating

One of the most infamous rulers of Tibecuador was a terrible man named Calder Boschwartz. However, he had an uncommon allergy to banana cow meat, and that would cause his demise. Calder would have destroyed Tibecuador, except that one day his servants replaced his banana at breakfast with a chunk of banana cow meat colored yellow. He ate it and died.

The Castle

Aaron kept going, hill after hill, hoping at every top that he would see a town. He panted heavily, since he had come a long way. His feet trudged on steadily, and his face was furrowed with concentrating. Just the sheer force of will made him keep trekking. It had been three days now. Three days since he had run away. Three days since he had left his home and ventured into the endless, rolling hills. Not once had he stopped. And yet still he kept going.

Gasping, Aaron began the steep incline of a larger hill. The day was overcast, and the dew-covered grass made it hard to gain footing. The hill loomed before him, and it took all his will and energy to make himself continue. Walking and climbing to the crest, Aaron saw before him a vast green forest stretching for many miles before it stopped abruptly. And where it stopped, an ocean started, pure blue, wide and unbroken, all the way to the horizon.

A flash of lightning lit up the sky, and for a moment Aaron saw the whole landscape in startling clarity, but then it began to rain. Tiny pellets of ice cold water hit Aaron, stinging his skin. Hoping that the trees would provide some cover, he dashed towards the forest. Mud flew from the ground as he ran, looking down so that his eyes would not be pelted by the oncoming downpour.

Aaron glanced up to see how much further he had to go, and skidded hurriedly to a halt, almost falling into a wide moat filled with water. Moving his gaze upward, Aaron saw a huge castle, with tall spires streaking hundreds of feet into the air, as if trying to touch the dark gray sky. A few bats circled high up in the air, and Aaron was sure that there were more inside. Across a giant, wooden drawbridge, there loomed a heavy iron gate. It slowly moved back and forth as the wind howled against it, and light pings could be heard when the rain droplets hit against its ancient, rusted surface. The castle’s walls were made of stone bricks, cracked in many places and covered in dirt and moss. In some areas, stones had fallen away, leaving gaps in the walls. However, the castle looked nothing like a ruin. Its immensity made sure of that.

Aaron quickly ran back away from the castle and gazed up at it, a look of amazement on his face. However, he did not pause for long: any thoughts were postponed by the presence of the driving rain. He decided that he could come explore when the rain went away, and continued towards the forest. Soon, however, he realized that the distance was longer than thought originally. He was making no progress. With fear, he realized that he would need to go inside the castle now to find refuge from the rain. Aaron turned around and walked slowly back, wondering what he would find when he got there.

When Aaron again reached the castle, it seemed as if it were even bigger than before. He cautiously ventured forward over the drawbridge, and the hulking form of the gate in front of him gave him a sense of terrible foreboding. When Aaron was about halfway across, he heard a high-pitched screeching sound. Turning around, he saw a small furry winged blur fly by him. The sudden movement caused him to slip, and he slid to the other side of the bridge, stopping suddenly when he slid from the wood onto a concrete surface, his back to the door. He sat for a moment, catching his breath, his pupils wide with fear, staring back out over the landscape, watching the rain as it hit the grass. Then he got up and looked around.

The dark opening now lay directly before him. Vines had grown around the edges, but inside nothing was visible except darkness, and his sense of foreboding deepened. He inched slowly forward, watching for any sign of movement. The darkness enveloped him, and he was truly scared. As his eyes adjusted, he found himself in a large, dank room, the only light coming from the door he had just entered. He could hear water dripping, and flashes of lightning gave him fleeting glimpses of a long corridor disappearing into gloom. Aaron was enveloped in an eerie silence.

Suddenly, he heard the thump of footsteps coming towards him from the corridor, a soft but obvious clack, along with the swish of air parting as someone. Without thinking, he dived through a door into a small room. The room was luckily undamaged, and closed of from the outside rain. In the corner, a staircase spiraled downwards.

Out in the corridor, the footsteps continued. Aaron tensed as they passed by the room he was in, but they continued until stopping in what Aaron thought was the room next to the gate. Just when Aaron thought the situation couldn’t possibly get any worse, he felt a prickly sensation on his foot, slowly moving up his leg. Dreading what he might find, he turned around and his worst fears were confirmed.

On his leg sat a huge, 5 inch tall spider with giant pincers and eight beady, black eyes. For the first time, he noticed the vast network of cobwebs that was stretching around the room. In it were three other spiders, each of them just slightly smaller than the one on his leg. He screamed in terror, and the spider, in response, bit down hard with its pincers on Aaron’s leg.

Aaron felt a sharp pain, and his leg began to numb. He tried to move it, but it did not respond to his command. Another streak of lightning flashed across the sky, and the spider scuttled into the shadows and onto the cobwebs, where his friends were waiting for him.

Breathing hard, Aaron thought about what to do now. He had been sitting for a few minutes when he heard a faint whimper. Aaron looked around, trying to locate the source of the sound. Eventually, he realized that it was coming from the staircase, so he walked over and looked down. A gnarled hand was groping around the side of the staircase, so that the rest of the body could not be seen. The fingers scrabbled at the cold stone, pulling inch by inch. Aaron backed away, frightened. The top of the man’s head was then revealed, slowly rising to be followed by a face which Aaron had seen many times before. It was his father’s.

Aaron’s father, who’s name was John, had disappeared a year ago. He had left on a hunting mission and had never come back. His body was never found. Aaron’s mother had re-married, and that was the main reason Aaron had run away. He hated his step father.

Aaron rushed to John as fast as he could. “Aaron,” John whimpered, and lay down limply. Aaron knelt down and shook him, but John did not respond. Limping because of his bitten leg, Aaron dragged John over to the door. He had barely made it a yard when he collapsed in pain. As if on cue, a cloud drifted over the moon, and the room turned pitch black.

Laying motionless on the floor, silence enveloped Aaron until it was more prominent than the darkness, and as tangible as the cold, stone floor. As he lay, his thoughts began to drift. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep.

What seemed like a few seconds later, Aaron woke to the sound of a thrashing body. John was having some sort of nightmare. At first, Aaron couldn’t remember where he was, but then it all came back to him. It was very early morning now, and by the faint glow he could first really look at his father. The sight was not reassuring.

Hair sprouted all over out of John’s head, much more and much longer than Aaron remembered. Through the scratched up skin, John’s bones showed obviously. A huge, ugly, purple blotched bruise stood out on John’s forehead, making him almost unrecognizable. Aaron was horrified.

Before Aaron could stare any longer, he was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps once again coming down the corridor. Tearing his gaze off of his dad, Aaron peaked through the keyhole and saw before him a tall, pale skinned woman who looked to be about 25 years old. She wore a white gown which dragged on the floor behind her, and her hair was tied in a tight knot. She was the one making the footsteps.

The moment Aaron began seeing all of this, the women stopped walking and turned around, staring directly at the keyhole. Still staring, she said clearly and with an icy voice, “Who are you?”

She’s not talking to me, thought Aaron. She can’t see me. How could she know I’m here? She’s probably insane. Either that or she’s talking to someone else I can’t see.

Still, she repeated the question, “Who are you?” and this time she began walking towards the door.

Terrified, Aaron managed to stutter, “A-A-Aar-r-ron”

“Where are you from?” she said coldly, still coming steadily, getting closer and closer to the door which Aaron was behind.

Aaron began to tremble with fright, but he didn’t dare to ignore the question. Summoning all of his courage, he replied, “A small town named Selton, about 10 miles north of here.” She reached the door, standing off to the side so he could not see her anymore. Suddenly, the door began to shake and groan. Terrified, Aaron turned around and ran. Or at least he tried to. The moment he turned around he collapsed into pain, spasms of agony shooting up from his bite.

Still, he ignored the pain, and managed to get down the spiral stairs. He was halfway down the dark hallway at the bottom, heading for crack in the wall, when he remembered: He had forgotten John.

This thought was followed by the crash as the woman broke down the door. Still, that didn’t stop him. He raced back up the stairs, almost hitting the woman coming the other way, but ducking under her legs at the last second. The pain had almost destroyed his determination, but with his last bit of strength, he lugged his father out into the hallway and to the vast iron gate, still wide open.

The woman came back out of the room behind Aaron, running at him with a look of fury and hatred on her face. However, just a few seconds later, something whizzed over Aaron’s head... an arrow. It hit the woman strait in her chest, and she began to groan. Blood began to drip, and she collapsed on the ground. Looking up, Aaron saw a group of people silhouetted at the top of the nearest hill. Running towards them, Aaron recognized their faces. It was a hunting party from his own town.

The End